Orgasms in the Office
BY Q. VERGARA
I get paid to play with my pussy, but I’m not a sex worker.
I remember reading an article years ago about this woman who found out one of her male coworkers would rub one out on his lunch. I was naive and APPALLED. So I kept reading. She said their company had private bathrooms so it wasn’t like he was being obscene and taking his one-eyed monster out in the middle of lunch. She had only figured out due to the closeness of their relationship and how he divulged he performed better (at his job… get your mind outta the gutter!). She was curious, so she decided to test the theory. The article goes on to document her experience as she decides to rubs one out in her car to see if it’s all it’s cracked up to be.
I remember thinking it would be a neat experience, but the thought ended there as I can be quite the chicken shit, and not even in my fantasies was I rubbing one out at work. I fucking hate that place.
Granted, I grew up with an extremely modest upbringing, so sex was something I naturally shied away from, although curiosity kept me at a stone’s throw. I lived most of my formative years in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia in a shroud of modesty. Of course that altered the way I perceived sex, my body, and adult relationships. I wouldn’t say it single-handedly impacted the way I viewed these things, but it framed my thoughts. I viewed these things through this weird lens of ‘I’m a Free American woman,’ but I dare not be promiscuous, have multiple partners or… even masturbate. I wasn’t even on the debate team out of fear of being a master debater.
But I digress.
I was just unbearably shy about sex, and even though I would wear a plunge top and many men assumed I was well versed sexually, I was actually a virgin well into my twenties (or maybe they knew I was a virgin and preyed on me… but that’s a conversation for another time). I didn’t understand why everyone was so sex driven especially in a place that emphasizes guilt on half the people that engage in it (read: women). People seemed to use sex as a driving force and have it be the momentum for their decisions and in some cases the fuel to justify their actions. For a country that’s so sex-focused, we surely try to cover it up by making women feel guilty for our bodies and needs.
Years pass, I have a boyfriend that has lived with me for like ten years now, and because we have a kid, there’s undisputable proof that he’s cummed all up in my guts. I’ve been in America for over 15 years and I’ve grown acclimated to how to navigate sex and relationships. And with the #MeToo movement and the awareness on slut-shaming, I feel sexually empowered now more than ever before. I’m comfortable in my skin and even have some sex toys of my own. I’m an upper case Q now.
I don’t know what exactly happened, but one particularly stressful day, I was like ya know what? Since my work station is in my bedroom, I can take my fifteen-minute break and see what happens. I went into the bathroom and it was almost as if I was playing coy with my vibrator like even admitting I had every intention to practically electrocute my clit, was too forward and I couldn’t even admit it to the silence in the room. After I was finally able to even convince myself, I pulled down my panties and placed them to the side. I put on some music and grabbed my vibrator. I tried to relax as I heard the notifications chime in the next room.
Masturbation offers so many great benefits from relaxing to releasing endorphins to reducing stress - all of which I experience from a highly demanding job. But if diddling yourself at work was common place to reduce stress, wouldn’t more people be doing it? It just didn’t seem like enough reason to justify it.
When Jeffrey Toobin rubbed one out during a Zoom meeting during the pandemic in front of everyone, the conversation of masturbation at work took the spotlight. I heard many people saying there’s a time and a place and that he shouldn’t be doing that at work. I disagree - he just shouldn’t have been doing it while on a call in front of his computer. As the ultimate stress relief, why not empower employees to truly relax? Perhaps that would be a weird benefit. “Unlimited sick time and wack-off rooms!” But I think we’re missing a much more important conversation about taking the salaciousness out of masturbation and looking at it from a pure health perspective.
Psychology Today reports nearly 40 percent of people masturbate at work, but it’s unclear how accurate that number is due to people generally not wanting to divulge that type of intimate information. And understandably so, considering the repercussions could be termination. Surely, no one wants to be in HR having that conversation or explaining to the next employer why you were so suddenly let go. Side note: future employers, please hire me - I’m not a deviant!
And of course, there’s a time and place for everything. Obviously, you shouldn’t Jeffrey Toobin a Zoom meeting. But if you’re able to remove yourself from the computer, and truly have some privacy, why not go for it?
Image by Robin Higgins from Pixabay
American social norms are peculiar. I felt like work was this ultimate facade of pretending in that people who felt too much were always deemed unstable or emotional. It was like at work if you weren’t stifling your true emotions then you weren’t doing it right.
I pressed the head of my body wand into my vulva and tried to relax. A thrill shot up my spine making me more wet than I would have normally been on a Tuesday afternoon. It didn’t take too many vibrating laps before my muscles released euphoria and my body spasmed. Then my alarm went off. I had a minute to clock back in. The calmness of release and excitement of doing something ultimately taboo filled me with a sensual allure.
When I returned to work, no one had any idea what had happened. How could they? I felt light, like I was floating. A smile plastered on my face from ear to ear and no one was the wiser. It felt good to recalibrate myself in the middle of the work day and return as if I had just meditated.
Image by Tayeb MEZAHDIA from Pixabay
Surely I’m not saying no matter your job, play acoustic pussy or dick with no remorse for social conduct, but I am saying that sometimes creative and taboo solutions can have an advantageous outcome for you, you may not have previously explored.